Why...I ask myself.

A lot of us seem stretched these days.  Too much to do, too many random deadlines piling up against the tiny amount of time we have.  I've been thinking about this, because my feelings fall right in step...slightly overwhelmed...overtired....over-everything feeling.  Its taken me most of my 40 years to realize that, psychologically and physically, I feel different when the seasons change.  Winter-to-Spring, Summer-to-Fall transitions seem to affect me the most.  I looked for information on this, but mostly found references to lack of sunlight and its affects as the temperature drops, and depression.  That's not really what I'm talking about.  I'm not depressed, I'm tired.  I want to cocoon, to sleep, to slow down (it's occurs to me that this is the time when I am most inspired to make new blankets, quilts, and bedcoverings, hmmmmm).  I want to look at pretty fabrics, put them together, plan, but not actually do any of it.  Hence, the look of my side of the bed.

Amy once called this "horizontal research" in an email to me, couldn't be a better description.  I currently have all my summer back issues of Martha stacked up to look through, as I do every six months or so (as well as the new one- Alicia, I saw the faded florals, I'm up for a bleaching party when I visit this summer.).  Martha, I don't know how you've managed, but these never get old to me.  Sitting, reading, planning, in bed, is my favorite, favorite way to spend time these days.  Not that I do it for more than about an hour out of every 24, after the kids are tucked in, but gosh its fun.  Sew it?  Maybe later....but dream about sewing it....yes please!

This week I am thinking about why I craft, sew, create?  To the point of feeling stressed about it (let's face it, its often a self-created stress, no one asked me to make a quilt, and I could just as easily have given a store bought present).  I can only speak for myself here.  I need it.  I need to take ideas from inside my head to fruition.  I need to create with my hands, and my brain.  It has occurred to me that, being home with my kids all day, I could literally pick up after them, and clean up *all*day*long.  Seriously, without question, there is no shortage of something to be done in every corner, inside and out, all the time.  But you'd be hearing from one miserable person if that's all I did.  Some days, my house is a mess (probably more often than I care to admit), and all I have to show for it is something I finished up at the sewing machine, or something the kids and I created.  I'm pretty much okay with that, but sometimes I just need to revisit why I'm okay with that.

Do my kids care that I make things for them, for our family?  I can't really say, it seems they do, but maybe that's because they see that I care.  I do care!  I love seeing my kids wrapped up in their story quilt, playing with their whales and peas.  I love caring about their world in that way.  I love caring about my world, reusing fabrics and making things that I hope are pretty, memorable, and lasting.  There are tons of things I am not good at as a mom, but this, I can do.  Was Emma happy that her mom made the llama costumes for the 1st grade play?  Yes.  Would she have been just as happy if I'd instead brought in store bought cookies for the after play reception?  I would venture a yes.  I was there.

So, I continue on this wacky path, and strive to balance it all.  I still manage to stay off the computer for most of one day a week, which has helped me refocus.  I can't answer your comments as often as I'd like to, and I've had to reluctantly admit that one.  I love getting comments and want to acknowledge and talk more about what was said, but its not always practical.  (I cleaned out my email in-box two days ago and now it currently holds 200 messages.)  I feel lucky that I get to indulge in my drug of choice, crafting (it really does feel that way at times).  Thank you for letting me share it with you, because that makes me very happy.

Comments

[amandamonkey]

I'm with you - I think a lot of the reason I feel crazy or unsettled sometimes is because I don't have time to craft while I'm writing my dissertation.

I'm most excited to be finished so I can have evenings and weekends and dream and plan again.

[Shelina]

I feel exactly the same way - have to readjust my moods with the season. I think though that you have the definition of clinical depression wrong - it doesn't make you sad - it makes you lethargic, and not want to do anything. I find eating healthy and going for walks outside in the sun and cleaning and being patient with myself helps. The cleaning makes me do something, makes me feel better about my surroundings and therefore doesn't make me go down the downward spiral. Making something also does the same, and is much more fun. :)

[Sheree]

Ahhhh...my side of the bed looks a lot like yours. Thanks for letting me know I"m not the only dreamer vs. do-er. :)

[Adriana]

My dear Blair, your words make perfect sense. I don't have any kids but my house can also be a mess and I could be scrubbing and cleaning and tidying all day long. That's just the nature of housework.

I dare venture that your crafts make a difference in your kids' lives. Not only because they make you a happy person but because it makes them more creative. And yes, they do appreciate how you make stuff for them. I have vivid memories of costumes my mum made for me when I was at school. And also of all the crafts she encouraged us to make.

Keep at it, you're doing great!

[Krista]

This all resonates so well with me. So very well said, and I am so grateful that you've shared this!
I understand completely abuot wanting to get to everything (answering comments, finding room for more discussion, replying to emails this list is endless) and just not being able to do it all.
Just do what you can, I wish that for all of us, and to find a happy, healthy balance of work and joy.

[jen]

Blair -Don't know if you read my blog but your words ring so true in my ears. Thanks for the pep talk you didn't even know you were giving :)

[lisa s]

great post blair. just amazing. it's so nice to know that we all go through this....

[anjo]

Dear Blair,
Very, very beautifully and precisely put! You have my target exact and spewed what I have not had the time to express deeply (although I measley attempt so). Thank you. Along with me, you are certainly not alone in this thought, as there are many many others I can think of too, feeling this 'transition,' this train of 'brain-crafting' (I LOVE that. That's it exactly!).

I too have an abundance of ideas perpetually floating around in my head, but do not have the time to get them out. I have at least 20 odd craft/knitting/sewing/whatnot library books and then some horrendous x amount of magazines stacked up everywhere. I thought for a second, your photo of stacks were MINE! ha! I tear out pages and add them to a big bin of 'idea' for inspiration. I could go on and on, but this is NOT my blog. I was just so excited how right on your were about my own thoughts. Coincidental? It's happening in a lot of places with myriad of folks. Thank you again for speaking so eloquently (you always do, you know).

xo- anjo

PS..perhaps in the Fall, those ideas in your brain will be used again with a much more avid enthusiasm....coming out again in full force. I know it's true (it happens to me after the focus of Summer and the weather fades away).

[quenna]

I have been feeling the same way. I reasoned it's related to the end-of-the-school-year crush...field trips, parties, etc...coupled with a self-imposed goal of getting things done before the kids are home all day!

I understand about the need to bring to fruition all the ideas rattling around inside -- I figure I'm at a 10% rate (another cause of stress). Journaling and doodling seems to reduce some of it. Thanks for sharing!

[Sarah]

I can so relate to this entire post. I'm taking a blogging break, because I thought my blog was showing more of my stresses over projects instead of joys. I may have to adopt the one day off of the computer thing. I think that that is great!

[Chris Howard]

I know exactly what you are talking about. Usually in the spring I (and just about everyone else in the world) feels energized and ready to gear up and get things done. This spring, I'd look out at all the yardwork or even think of spring cleaning and just feel sorta tired. Not really tired in a bad way, just tired in a curl-up-in-the-sun-like-a-cat-and-take-a-nap sort of way.
Lots of people are usually really happy in the summer, but for me it's the most depressing time of year. I live in the south, and the heat of summer has already hit and will stay with us till October. The weather is so monotonous, highs in the upper 90's, high humidity, glaring sunny day after sunny day. I've learned to try to embrace the summer and accept it for what it is. I spend my days curled up on the couch with the shades pulled down and the air conditioning cranked up, stitching away on my next project and dreaming of the blue skies and cool breezes of October.

[mamarox]

I understand your feelings well. Yes, what you are doing for your family makes a diiference and it will be rememebred. My mom did all sorts of sewing, cooking and crafts with us as kids and now I am doing the same thing with my family as a Stay At Home Mom. We do important work, it's not just raising children, it's raising souls.

[tammie]

blair, fantastic post
the side of your bed looks like my entire house!
and i can completely identify with the horizontal research (such a great phrase!!)
your kids are certainly lucky to have you. what more could kids want besides quilt and the pea and the whale?!

[Toni]

First of all, big hugs to you! That's for sharing who you are and what you are thinking. I am so with you on the "lets plan, lets look, lets dream" thing. That activity in and of itself is so life giving to me creative wise. I don't really want to jump in and actually start something...I just want to do all of the above, just like you said. Ha! you hit the nail on the head when you said there is always, always something to do around the house. I choose not to fill every hour of my day with those chores. I just can't, for the same reasons you spoke of. I think in this day and age making things for our families, with our own hands and then passing on the skill to our children, is becoming more and more priceless. Keep it up!! And all of us will be right beside you. xo.

[justine]

thank-you :)

[Siri]

Ditto, ditto, ditto. Every single word although I'm not sure I could express it quite so well. Ditto even to the picture of your side of the bed! I think I might be brave enough now to show my bedside table and floor now.

[tuscanycastlegirl]

Totally Ditto.

[amy k.]

that photo made me laugh! all the mags. . .perfect. regarding handmade gifts for your family and firends, my mom made a ton of stuff for my brother and I and we were young and we loved the crafts and animals she made and love them even more as adults-

it's funny, when she see things she has made for us now, things we have saved, she always says "I don't know where I found the time to make these for you when you were both so young!" ha! this is from the woman who now makes about 2 quilts a month and wisely has a cleaning lady.

[Kathie]

Blair,

When my kids were young one of my favorite times was right after putting them to bed. DH always went to bed early as he had to get up early for work. So this was my favorite time (still is) to curl up in bed and either read a book or go through my mags (all over my side as yours are) and dream and plan. I can honestly say I haven't made most of the things I dreamed of making but that is ok with me as I enjoyed the dreaming the best.

We moved to Az, nine years ago and there are only two seasons here; Hot or not hot. I was used to having curl up time in the winter to work on my crafts but since moving here have to do things backwards and I still haven't adjusted to it! I also know that I love to read everyone's blogs to help keep me motivated but I have recently noticed that if I read too many it becomes overwhelming to me as I will start asking myself 'why can't I get as much done as these women can do'? So now I read only a few select ones (yours being one as I love your input on life and crafts and everything) and it has been helping.
One last comment, my kids are now 26 and 22 and still love the things I made them or we made together and all the memories we created together doing them. That is one thing you are giving them that they will always cherish-the memories of being and doing together.

[Melissa]

I can totally relate about feeling stretched and I don't even have kids! I think its important to find time to do things you love rather than the things that need to get done. I think kids benefit so much more from seeing their parents enjoy themselves and have passion for something rather than a spotless house.

[Wanett]

I struggle with the Summer to Fall transistion, and the side of my bed looks roughly the same as your's. = )

[Heather]

Oh yes, I understand your sentiments Blair. I don't think a day goes by that I don't consider the "whys" of my craft psyche. I honestly was thinking last week about what do I really do with all those ideas that don't come to fruition. Do I ever really discard them? Do I still have ideas in my head that are actually years old? Are they taking up too much energy to keep them alive? I was wondering how many other crafters have really good ideas but just can't seem to get to them. How hard would it be to just say, "well, you know, I guess that just won't happen". My husband always tells me that if I want it bad enough, I will make it happen. So maybe some ideas we think are just totally what we want at the moment, are actually not that good in reality and just won't ever come to be. I make peace with that, because you have to. Your kids get bigger and they just have more time requirements of you and crafting time waxes and wanes as the moon does. So does your inspiritation. I understand entirely about how you think about why you craft in the first place.....it can easily not be as stressful when you replace that handmade item with a store-bought one. I suppose there are times for each though. It can feel selfish to spend so much mental energy on the planning phases when you realize you have 300 things to do in your house. The moments I feel most focused are when I put aside my thoughts and stay in tune with whatever mundane task I am doing. And especially all those non-mundane tasks, like simply talking to my kids; looking at them, talking to them while NOT doing another task. (and NOT visualizing page 17 of Country Living May 1985) :)

Actually, it is then that I wonder most why I craft at all.

Smiles to you,Heather

[Rose]

Nice post Blair! I'm feeling the same way, but for different reasons, I think. Come the spring, I feel a real need to garden, but I also get an even bigger creative (ie, crafting) urge. You know how they used to burn out the killer robots circuits on "Star Trek" by giving them two conflicting commands at once? That's me, I just tend to stare into space a lot.

[jessica]

Amen, sista! Making things, for me, is like breathing. I've found that I have to be involved in dreaming up or constructing something to be happy--and to be a good mom. Thanks goodness for the internet that helps me connect with other moms who feel the same :)

[Gina]

Your not alone in your thoughts. Just finding the right balance that fits your needs and life, not others. And your children will have wonderful memories and gifts that they will cherish more with each passing year and will have heirloom and stories to pass on to their children.
And the sides of our beds look similar!!!