A lot of us seem stretched these days. Too much to do, too many random deadlines piling up against the tiny amount of time we have. I've been thinking about this, because my feelings fall right in step...slightly overwhelmed...overtired....over-everything feeling. Its taken me most of my 40 years to realize that, psychologically and physically, I feel different when the seasons change. Winter-to-Spring, Summer-to-Fall transitions seem to affect me the most. I looked for information on this, but mostly found references to lack of sunlight and its affects as the temperature drops, and depression. That's not really what I'm talking about. I'm not depressed, I'm tired. I want to cocoon, to sleep, to slow down (it's occurs to me that this is the time when I am most inspired to make new blankets, quilts, and bedcoverings, hmmmmm). I want to look at pretty fabrics, put them together, plan, but not actually do any of it. Hence, the look of my side of the bed.
Amy once called this "horizontal research" in an email to me, couldn't be a better description. I currently have all my summer back issues of Martha stacked up to look through, as I do every six months or so (as well as the new one- Alicia, I saw the faded florals, I'm up for a bleaching party when I visit this summer.). Martha, I don't know how you've managed, but these never get old to me. Sitting, reading, planning, in bed, is my favorite, favorite way to spend time these days. Not that I do it for more than about an hour out of every 24, after the kids are tucked in, but gosh its fun. Sew it? Maybe later....but dream about sewing it....yes please!
This week I am thinking about why I craft, sew, create? To the point of feeling stressed about it (let's face it, its often a self-created stress, no one asked me to make a quilt, and I could just as easily have given a store bought present). I can only speak for myself here. I need it. I need to take ideas from inside my head to fruition. I need to create with my hands, and my brain. It has occurred to me that, being home with my kids all day, I could literally pick up after them, and clean up *all*day*long. Seriously, without question, there is no shortage of something to be done in every corner, inside and out, all the time. But you'd be hearing from one miserable person if that's all I did. Some days, my house is a mess (probably more often than I care to admit), and all I have to show for it is something I finished up at the sewing machine, or something the kids and I created. I'm pretty much okay with that, but sometimes I just need to revisit why I'm okay with that.
Do my kids care that I make things for them, for our family? I can't really say, it seems they do, but maybe that's because they see that I care. I do care! I love seeing my kids wrapped up in their story quilt, playing with their whales and peas. I love caring about their world in that way. I love caring about my world, reusing fabrics and making things that I hope are pretty, memorable, and lasting. There are tons of things I am not good at as a mom, but this, I can do. Was Emma happy that her mom made the llama costumes for the 1st grade play? Yes. Would she have been just as happy if I'd instead brought in store bought cookies for the after play reception? I would venture a yes. I was there.
So, I continue on this wacky path, and strive to balance it all. I still manage to stay off the computer for most of one day a week, which has helped me refocus. I can't answer your comments as often as I'd like to, and I've had to reluctantly admit that one. I love getting comments and want to acknowledge and talk more about what was said, but its not always practical. (I cleaned out my email in-box two days ago and now it currently holds 200 messages.) I feel lucky that I get to indulge in my drug of choice, crafting (it really does feel that way at times). Thank you for letting me share it with you, because that makes me very happy.
